you

[badgolferman]

One of the main things which attracted me as a newcomer to AA was when
people in meetings talked about what had happened to them and the
solutions they learned. Having gone through several treatment centers,
therapy, and being constantly told by the military what was wrong with
me, I had built up walls which kept any unsolicited advice from getting
through anymore. Yet the people in AA never spoke at me, instead they
told me what they had done. That had a magical effect of breaking down
the walls from the inside because I wanted to hear more.

In AA meetings we're supposed to share our OWN experience, strength and
hope. That means things which are related to us personally. Yet I
often hear certain people always telling others what they should do by
using the "you" word a lot. It seems their purpose is to give advice
rather than experience. I've often wanted to bring that up as a topic
but have refrained from doing so because it wouldn't be right to use a
meeting as a way to get a point across to someone else.

What is your opinion about giving advice and talking about "you" in AA
meetings?

[Bob]

Post by badgolferman
One of the main things which attracted me as a newcomer to AA was when
people in meetings talked about what had happened to them and the
solutions they learned. Having gone through several treatment centers,
therapy, and being constantly told by the military what was wrong with
me, I had built up walls which kept any unsolicited advice from getting
through anymore. Yet the people in AA never spoke at me, instead they
told me what they had done. That had a magical effect of breaking down
the walls from the inside because I wanted to hear more.
In AA meetings we're supposed to share our OWN experience, strength and
hope. That means things which are related to us personally. Yet I
often hear certain people always telling others what they should do by
using the "you" word a lot. It seems their purpose is to give advice
rather than experience. I've often wanted to bring that up as a topic
but have refrained from doing so because it wouldn't be right to use a
meeting as a way to get a point across to someone else.
What is your opinion about giving advice and talking about "you" in AA
meetings?

IMO "They" and "Them" are the immoral, narcissistic, wimp's versions of the,
in this context of helping each other, honest, straightforward "You"

[Charlie M. 1958]

Post by badgolferman
One of the main things which attracted me as a newcomer to AA was when
people in meetings talked about what had happened to them and the
solutions they learned. Having gone through several treatment centers,
therapy, and being constantly told by the military what was wrong with
me, I had built up walls which kept any unsolicited advice from getting
through anymore. Yet the people in AA never spoke at me, instead they
told me what they had done. That had a magical effect of breaking down
the walls from the inside because I wanted to hear more.
In AA meetings we're supposed to share our OWN experience, strength and
hope. That means things which are related to us personally. Yet I
often hear certain people always telling others what they should do by
using the "you" word a lot. It seems their purpose is to give advice
rather than experience. I've often wanted to bring that up as a topic
but have refrained from doing so because it wouldn't be right to use a
meeting as a way to get a point across to someone else.
What is your opinion about giving advice and talking about "you" in AA
meetings?

I think a lot of times people speak in advice mode because it comes
naturally. But I agree with you about how much more attractive the
program was because people were sharing their experience rather than
telling me what to do. I don't know if there is a whole meeting topic
there, but I think we all need to be reminded from time to time to
phrase our language in terms of how /we/ found a solution to certain
situations, rather than telling someone what they should do.

[Bob]

Post by Charlie M. 1958

Post by badgolferman
One of the main things which attracted me as a newcomer to AA was when
people in meetings talked about what had happened to them and the
solutions they learned. Having gone through several treatment centers,
therapy, and being constantly told by the military what was wrong with
me, I had built up walls which kept any unsolicited advice from getting
through anymore. Yet the people in AA never spoke at me, instead they
told me what they had done. That had a magical effect of breaking down
the walls from the inside because I wanted to hear more.
In AA meetings we're supposed to share our OWN experience, strength and
hope. That means things which are related to us personally. Yet I
often hear certain people always telling others what they should do by
using the "you" word a lot. It seems their purpose is to give advice
rather than experience. I've often wanted to bring that up as a topic
but have refrained from doing so because it wouldn't be right to use a
meeting as a way to get a point across to someone else.
What is your opinion about giving advice and talking about "you" in AA
meetings?

I think a lot of times people speak in advice mode because it comes
naturally. But I agree with you about how much more attractive the
program was because people were sharing their experience rather than
telling me what to do. I don't know if there is a whole meeting topic
there, but I think we all need to be reminded from time to time to
phrase our language in terms of how /we/ found a solution to certain
situations, rather than telling someone what they should do.

The Big Book was supposed to introduce AA to people, and it is cluttered
with the "you" concept, so naturally, you want to tell all of us what we
should do! ;-)

[Bob]

Post by badgolferman
One of the main things which attracted me as a newcomer to AA was when
people in meetings talked about what had happened to them and the
solutions they learned. Having gone through several treatment centers,
therapy, and being constantly told by the military what was wrong with
me, I had built up walls which kept any unsolicited advice from getting
through anymore. Yet the people in AA never spoke at me, instead they
told me what they had done. That had a magical effect of breaking down
the walls from the inside because I wanted to hear more.
In AA meetings we're supposed to share our OWN experience, strength and
hope. That means things which are related to us personally. Yet I
often hear certain people always telling others what they should do by
using the "you" word a lot. It seems their purpose is to give advice
rather than experience. I've often wanted to bring that up as a topic
but have refrained from doing so because it wouldn't be right to use a
meeting as a way to get a point across to someone else.
What is your opinion about giving advice and talking about "you" in AA
meetings?

IMO, within the context you've chosen, formal AA meetings, there's the
integral, more informal, after the meeting, that together comprise
Fellowship.

Attempting to help individual components of "others" with benefit of one's
own experience, the words "They" and "Them" are the sneaky, wimpy, gossip's
antithesis of collective Fellowship with the honest, direct, "You."

The word "you" in context of Fellowship can be an expression of strait
forward rigorous honesty

[banjo Jon]

Post by badgolferman
One of the main things which attracted me as a newcomer to AA was when
people in meetings talked about what had happened to them and the
solutions they learned. Having gone through several treatment centers,
therapy, and being constantly told by the military what was wrong with
me, I had built up walls which kept any unsolicited advice from getting
through anymore. Yet the people in AA never spoke at me, instead they
told me what they had done. That had a magical effect of breaking down
the walls from the inside because I wanted to hear more.
In AA meetings we're supposed to share our OWN experience, strength and
hope. That means things which are related to us personally. Yet I
often hear certain people always telling others what they should do by
using the "you" word a lot. It seems their purpose is to give advice
rather than experience. I've often wanted to bring that up as a topic
but have refrained from doing so because it wouldn't be right to use a
meeting as a way to get a point across to someone else.
What is your opinion about giving advice and talking about "you" in AA
meetings?

God gave us the word "you" to refer to the second person, not to crap
all over it as you suggest.

[Skeezix LaRocca]

Post by badgolferman
One of the main things which attracted me as a newcomer to AA was when
people in meetings talked about what had happened to them and the
solutions they learned. Having gone through several treatment centers,
therapy, and being constantly told by the military what was wrong with
me, I had built up walls which kept any unsolicited advice from getting
through anymore. Yet the people in AA never spoke at me, instead they
told me what they had done. That had a magical effect of breaking down
the walls from the inside because I wanted to hear more.
In AA meetings we're supposed to share our OWN experience, strength and
hope. That means things which are related to us personally. Yet I
often hear certain people always telling others what they should do by
using the "you" word a lot. It seems their purpose is to give advice
rather than experience. I've often wanted to bring that up as a topic
but have refrained from doing so because it wouldn't be right to use a
meeting as a way to get a point across to someone else.
What is your opinion about giving advice and talking about "you" in AA
meetings?

I am dead set against it..If a person feels they *must* advise someone,
why not wait until the meeting is over and engage them in conversation
on a one to one basis ?

Just me, but the only you ought to, or why not try this has been to tell
them to at least try taking the steps, because what do they have to
lose..Early on, I went to an old timer for relationship advice and he
told me...Well you could try that, but when I did that, it blew up in my
face...I got the message, followed his veiled advice, and was damn glad
I did...Far too many members don't think before opening their mouth when
giving advice..I was very lucky with the people that took me in.