bob and sharx

[badgolferman]

My home group has two meetings: Thursday Big Book study, Saturday
speaker meeting. The speaker meeting is actually the original meeting
started fifteen years ago, and the Big Book meeting was started 1-2
years later. Today the Big Book meeting is supported more, even by the
group members. The speaker meeting has struggled since COVID when the
local treatment center stopped busing the ptients there. As some of
you know I've been trying to get the speaker meeting going again by
finding speakers and announcing the need for support at other meetings
I go to.

Last week during the Big Book study meeting, we were reading Appendix I
-- Twelve Traditions Short and Long forms. Several of us mentioned how
much we like the traditions and how few meetings around here ever study
them. Later that night during our monthly business meeting it was
voted to reserve one Saturday a month for a Step and Tradition meeting.
Instead of a regular speaker sharing their story, there will be two
speakers presenting the Step and Tradition of the month with question
and answer period afterwards. This will be for a six month trial
period to see how it's received by the community.

If Bob and Sharx lived nearby, I would get them to be our speakers.
Which of you would prefer to do the Step or Tradition of the month?
Step Nine or Tradition Nine.

[Sharx335]

Post by badgolferman
My home group has two meetings: Thursday Big Book study, Saturday
speaker meeting. The speaker meeting is actually the original meeting
started fifteen years ago, and the Big Book meeting was started 1-2
years later. Today the Big Book meeting is supported more, even by the
group members. The speaker meeting has struggled since COVID when the
local treatment center stopped busing the ptients there. As some of
you know I've been trying to get the speaker meeting going again by
finding speakers and announcing the need for support at other meetings
I go to.
Last week during the Big Book study meeting, we were reading Appendix I
-- Twelve Traditions Short and Long forms. Several of us mentioned how
much we like the traditions and how few meetings around here ever study
them. Later that night during our monthly business meeting it was
voted to reserve one Saturday a month for a Step and Tradition meeting.
Instead of a regular speaker sharing their story, there will be two
speakers presenting the Step and Tradition of the month with question
and answer period afterwards. This will be for a six month trial
period to see how it's received by the community.
If Bob and Sharx lived nearby, I would get them to be our speakers.
Which of you would prefer to do the Step or Tradition of the month?
Step Nine or Tradition Nine.

Hmm. I gave my ONE AND ONLY scheduled speaking engagement sometime back
in the early 1990s...I was roughly 11 or 12 years sober. For some
reason...ego?...I thought that no prep was necessary...that I could just
"wing it". Usual custom was that the featured speaker got in
free...didn't have to pay the dinner charge. Well, who was manning the
entrance but a nemesis--someone who I preferred seeing GOING rather than
COMING. She was insistent that I still pay the fee even though, GASP, I
was THE SPEAKER. So, I paid up. It was in an old church on the "other
side of the tracks" and the sound system was antiquated to say the
least. As I spoke, I could hear a local radio station coming through the
speakers on my left and right, making a difficult task, i.e. "winging
it" totally impossible. It devolved even further into a shambles. Then,
afterwards, when it seemed that nothing more could worsen the evening, I
was called on to do the "sobriety countdown". I was so rattled by then,
and the room so large, that I would miss seeing someone stand up or sit
down whatever and lose track of where I was in the countdown. A total
fuck-up. Also, a majority of the audience was indigenous and I, an
agnostic white Anglo-Saxon, felt totally out of my element...missing all
the commonalities we had, as alcoholics, and instead focusing, in my
head, on the differences. Needless to say, since then, I have rigorously
avoided ANY speaking engagements aside from some correctional and public
information work which was relatively informal.
So, long story short, this is the first time I have talked publicly
about that debacle. While I thank you for your offer, I will defer to
others to share their ESH on those topics. And, yes, I know the deluge
of approbation is on its way from the usual source(s) but I have a
pretty good, well-used, umbrella! Time to raise shields.

[badgolferman]

Post by Sharx335

Post by badgolferman
My home group has two meetings: Thursday Big Book study, Saturday
speaker meeting. The speaker meeting is actually the original
meeting started fifteen years ago, and the Big Book meeting was
started 1-2 years later. Today the Big Book meeting is supported
more, even by the group members. The speaker meeting has struggled
since COVID when the local treatment center stopped busing the
ptients there. As some of you know I've been trying to get the
speaker meeting going again by finding speakers and announcing the
need for support at other meetings I go to.
Last week during the Big Book study meeting, we were reading
Appendix I -- Twelve Traditions Short and Long forms. Several of
us mentioned how much we like the traditions and how few meetings
around here ever study them. Later that night during our monthly
business meeting it was voted to reserve one Saturday a month for a
Step and Tradition meeting. Instead of a regular speaker sharing
their story, there will be two speakers presenting the Step and
Tradition of the month with question and answer period afterwards.
This will be for a six month trial period to see how it's received
by the community.
If Bob and Sharx lived nearby, I would get them to be our speakers.
Which of you would prefer to do the Step or Tradition of the month?
Step Nine or Tradition Nine.

Hmm. I gave my ONE AND ONLY scheduled speaking engagement sometime
back in the early 1990s...I was roughly 11 or 12 years sober. For
some reason...ego?...I thought that no prep was necessary...that I
could just "wing it". Usual custom was that the featured speaker got
in free...didn't have to pay the dinner charge. Well, who was manning
the entrance but a nemesis--someone who I preferred seeing GOING
rather than COMING. She was insistent that I still pay the fee even
though, GASP, I was THE SPEAKER. So, I paid up. It was in an old
church on the "other side of the tracks" and the sound system was
antiquated to say the least. As I spoke, I could hear a local radio
station coming through the speakers on my left and right, making a
difficult task, i.e. "winging it" totally impossible. It devolved
even further into a shambles. Then, afterwards, when it seemed that
nothing more could worsen the evening, I was called on to do the
"sobriety countdown". I was so rattled by then, and the room so
large, that I would miss seeing someone stand up or sit down whatever
and lose track of where I was in the countdown. A total fuck-up.
Also, a majority of the audience was indigenous and I, an agnostic
white Anglo-Saxon, felt totally out of my element...missing all the
commonalities we had, as alcoholics, and instead focusing, in my
head, on the differences. Needless to say, since then, I have
rigorously avoided ANY speaking engagements aside from some
correctional and public information work which was relatively
informal. So, long story short, this is the first time I have talked
publicly about that debacle. While I thank you for your offer, I will
defer to others to share their ESH on those topics. And, yes, I know
the deluge of approbation is on its way from the usual source(s) but
I have a pretty good, well-used, umbrella! Time to raise shields.

It sounds like you need more practice. It gets easier and more
comfortable each time.

One time I was asked to speak at three different places within the span
of a week. The third place was a group anniversary dinner. There were
several people in the room who had been to my other speaking
engagements that week so for some stupid reason I felt like I should
change me story up a bit as to not repeat myself. It turned out to be
the worst talk I ever gave (from my perspective) and I was thoroughly
embarrassed by my performance. That taught me a lesson to not try
being someone other than who I am. If they want me to speak then they
want to hear who I really am, not who I want to be.

These days I try to avoid speaking because I'm tired of hearing my own
story so many times. Honestly younger people who aren't that well
known should get the opportunity to let others find out who they are.

[Sharx335]

Post by badgolferman

Post by Sharx335

Post by badgolferman
My home group has two meetings: Thursday Big Book study, Saturday
speaker meeting. The speaker meeting is actually the original
meeting started fifteen years ago, and the Big Book meeting was
started 1-2 years later. Today the Big Book meeting is supported
more, even by the group members. The speaker meeting has struggled
since COVID when the local treatment center stopped busing the
ptients there. As some of you know I've been trying to get the
speaker meeting going again by finding speakers and announcing the
need for support at other meetings I go to.
Last week during the Big Book study meeting, we were reading
Appendix I -- Twelve Traditions Short and Long forms. Several of
us mentioned how much we like the traditions and how few meetings
around here ever study them. Later that night during our monthly
business meeting it was voted to reserve one Saturday a month for a
Step and Tradition meeting. Instead of a regular speaker sharing
their story, there will be two speakers presenting the Step and
Tradition of the month with question and answer period afterwards.
This will be for a six month trial period to see how it's received
by the community.
If Bob and Sharx lived nearby, I would get them to be our speakers.
Which of you would prefer to do the Step or Tradition of the month?
Step Nine or Tradition Nine.

Hmm. I gave my ONE AND ONLY scheduled speaking engagement sometime
back in the early 1990s...I was roughly 11 or 12 years sober. For
some reason...ego?...I thought that no prep was necessary...that I
could just "wing it". Usual custom was that the featured speaker got
in free...didn't have to pay the dinner charge. Well, who was manning
the entrance but a nemesis--someone who I preferred seeing GOING
rather than COMING. She was insistent that I still pay the fee even
though, GASP, I was THE SPEAKER. So, I paid up. It was in an old
church on the "other side of the tracks" and the sound system was
antiquated to say the least. As I spoke, I could hear a local radio
station coming through the speakers on my left and right, making a
difficult task, i.e. "winging it" totally impossible. It devolved
even further into a shambles. Then, afterwards, when it seemed that
nothing more could worsen the evening, I was called on to do the
"sobriety countdown". I was so rattled by then, and the room so
large, that I would miss seeing someone stand up or sit down whatever
and lose track of where I was in the countdown. A total fuck-up.
Also, a majority of the audience was indigenous and I, an agnostic
white Anglo-Saxon, felt totally out of my element...missing all the
commonalities we had, as alcoholics, and instead focusing, in my
head, on the differences. Needless to say, since then, I have
rigorously avoided ANY speaking engagements aside from some
correctional and public information work which was relatively
informal. So, long story short, this is the first time I have talked
publicly about that debacle. While I thank you for your offer, I will
defer to others to share their ESH on those topics. And, yes, I know
the deluge of approbation is on its way from the usual source(s) but
I have a pretty good, well-used, umbrella! Time to raise shields.

It sounds like you need more practice. It gets easier and more
comfortable each time.
One time I was asked to speak at three different places within the span
of a week. The third place was a group anniversary dinner. There were
several people in the room who had been to my other speaking
engagements that week so for some stupid reason I felt like I should
change me story up a bit as to not repeat myself. It turned out to be
the worst talk I ever gave (from my perspective) and I was thoroughly
embarrassed by my performance. That taught me a lesson to not try
being someone other than who I am. If they want me to speak then they
want to hear who I really am, not who I want to be.
These days I try to avoid speaking because I'm tired of hearing my own
story so many times. Honestly younger people who aren't that well
known should get the opportunity to let others find out who they are.

I was paranoid enough, after that event, that I even wondered if my
sponsor and other people close to me in service had set it up as a
lesson in humility--something that I, all too often, lack. I mostly go
to Zoom meetings now except for my regular F2F one during the daytime on
Sunday--my eyes have never been the same since my first corneal
transplants at the Mayo Clinic back in the 1960s--carefully adding that
without those surgeries I would have been clinically blind. As it is, I
can drive fine and do the eye charts fine but at night, oncoming lights
scatter all over. I have the best of medical care, having to go into the
private Canadian system at times, I'm sad to say, as our public Canadian
system current has SEVEN million peopl without a family doctor and, in
many provinces, a 2 or 3 year total waiting time for a hip or knee
joint replacement. Yes, I do remember to have gratitude for being able
to afford to jump the queue, as it were.

[Charlie M. 1958]

Post by Sharx335
Hmm. I gave my ONE AND ONLY scheduled speaking engagement sometime back
in the early 1990s...I was roughly 11 or 12 years sober. For some
reason...ego?...I thought that no prep was necessary...that I could just
"wing it". Usual custom was that the featured speaker got in
free...didn't have to pay the dinner charge. Well, who was manning the
entrance but a nemesis--someone who I preferred seeing GOING rather than
COMING. She was insistent that I still pay the fee even though, GASP, I
was THE SPEAKER. So, I paid up. It was in an old church on the "other
side of the tracks" and the sound system was antiquated to say the
least. As I spoke, I could hear a local radio station coming through the
speakers on my left and right, making a difficult task, i.e. "winging
it" totally impossible. It devolved even further into a shambles. Then,
afterwards, when it seemed that nothing more could worsen the evening, I
was called on to do the "sobriety countdown". I was so rattled by then,
and the room so large, that I would miss seeing someone stand up or sit
down whatever and lose track of where I was in the countdown. A total
fuck-up. Also, a majority of the audience was indigenous and I, an
agnostic white Anglo-Saxon, felt totally out of my element...missing all
the commonalities we had, as alcoholics, and instead focusing, in my
head, on the differences. Needless to say, since then, I have rigorously
avoided ANY speaking engagements aside from some correctional and public
information work which was relatively informal.
So, long story short, this is the first time I have talked publicly
about that debacle. While I thank you for your offer, I will defer to
others to share their ESH on those topics. And, yes, I know the deluge
of approbation is on its way from the usual source(s) but I have a
pretty good, well-used, umbrella! Time to raise shields.

You're only as sick as your secrets, so I hope you feel better now.
Somehow, though, I suspect more skeletons are still in the closet. :-)

[Sharx335]

Post by Charlie M. 1958

Post by Sharx335
Hmm. I gave my ONE AND ONLY scheduled speaking engagement sometime
back in the early 1990s...I was roughly 11 or 12 years sober. For some
reason...ego?...I thought that no prep was necessary...that I could
just "wing it". Usual custom was that the featured speaker got in
free...didn't have to pay the dinner charge. Well, who was manning the
entrance but a nemesis--someone who I preferred seeing GOING rather
than COMING. She was insistent that I still pay the fee even though,
GASP, I was THE SPEAKER. So, I paid up. It was in an old church on the
"other side of the tracks" and the sound system was antiquated to say
the least. As I spoke, I could hear a local radio station coming
through the speakers on my left and right, making a difficult task,
i.e. "winging it" totally impossible. It devolved even further into a
shambles. Then, afterwards, when it seemed that nothing more could
worsen the evening, I was called on to do the "sobriety countdown". I
was so rattled by then, and the room so large, that I would miss
seeing someone stand up or sit down whatever and lose track of where I
was in the countdown. A total fuck-up. Also, a majority of the
audience was indigenous and I, an agnostic white Anglo-Saxon, felt
totally out of my element...missing all the commonalities we had, as
alcoholics, and instead focusing, in my head, on the differences.
Needless to say, since then, I have rigorously avoided ANY speaking
engagements aside from some correctional and public information work
which was relatively informal.
So, long story short, this is the first time I have talked publicly
about that debacle. While I thank you for your offer, I will defer to
others to share their ESH on those topics. And, yes, I know the deluge
of approbation is on its way from the usual source(s) but I have a
pretty good, well-used, umbrella! Time to raise shields.

You're only as sick as your secrets, so I hope you feel better now.
Somehow, though, I suspect more skeletons are still in the closet. :-)

Doubtless there are. I was an iconoclast before I knew WTF the word
existed...as a veritable toddler banging my head against the wall when I
felt angry or so I was told. However, Charlie, as time goes by, many of
them go in and out...often out of my conscious memory. The positive part
of this is that I have a lot fewer bad memories, resentments, etc, than
I might have IF i had an eidetic memory. My dreams are usually very
mild, far from being the alarming ones of my younger days.Also, please
note, that hear in Canada "Statutes of Limitations" re criminal acts,
are few and far between. I see no need, at this stage of life, to
attract the attention of the authorities. And, yes, it does happen--some
90 year old billionaire in Ontario is facing the music over some
uninvited sexual advances he is alleged to have made on some employees
some 40 years ago.

[Bob]

Post by Sharx335

Post by Charlie M. 1958

Post by Sharx335
Hmm. I gave my ONE AND ONLY scheduled speaking engagement sometime
back in the early 1990s...I was roughly 11 or 12 years sober. For some
reason...ego?...I thought that no prep was necessary...that I could
just "wing it". Usual custom was that the featured speaker got in
free...didn't have to pay the dinner charge. Well, who was manning the
entrance but a nemesis--someone who I preferred seeing GOING rather
than COMING. She was insistent that I still pay the fee even though,
GASP, I was THE SPEAKER. So, I paid up. It was in an old church on the
"other side of the tracks" and the sound system was antiquated to say
the least. As I spoke, I could hear a local radio station coming
through the speakers on my left and right, making a difficult task,
i.e. "winging it" totally impossible. It devolved even further into a
shambles. Then, afterwards, when it seemed that nothing more could
worsen the evening, I was called on to do the "sobriety countdown". I
was so rattled by then, and the room so large, that I would miss
seeing someone stand up or sit down whatever and lose track of where I
was in the countdown. A total fuck-up. Also, a majority of the
audience was indigenous and I, an agnostic white Anglo-Saxon, felt
totally out of my element...missing all the commonalities we had, as
alcoholics, and instead focusing, in my head, on the differences.
Needless to say, since then, I have rigorously avoided ANY speaking
engagements aside from some correctional and public information work
which was relatively informal.
So, long story short, this is the first time I have talked publicly
about that debacle. While I thank you for your offer, I will defer to
others to share their ESH on those topics. And, yes, I know the deluge
of approbation is on its way from the usual source(s) but I have a
pretty good, well-used, umbrella! Time to raise shields.

You're only as sick as your secrets, so I hope you feel better now.
Somehow, though, I suspect more skeletons are still in the closet. :-)

Doubtless there are. I was an iconoclast before I knew WTF the word
existed...as a veritable toddler banging my head against the wall when I
felt angry or so I was told. However, Charlie, as time goes by, many of
them go in and out...often out of my conscious memory. The positive part
of this is that I have a lot fewer bad memories, resentments, etc, than
I might have IF i had an eidetic memory. My dreams are usually very
mild, far from being the alarming ones of my younger days.

And when did you learn that the word narcissistic existed?

Post by Sharx335
Also, please
note, that hear in Canada "Statutes of Limitations" re criminal acts,
are few and far between. I see no need, at this stage of life, to
attract the attention of the authorities. And, yes, it does happen--some
90 year old billionaire in Ontario is facing the music over some
uninvited sexual advances he is alleged to have made on some employees
some 40 years ago.